Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
