I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
