I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
