Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
