If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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