i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
