cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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