May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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