You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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