im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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