I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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