Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
