There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
