I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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