You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
