The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
