i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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