He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
