...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize