I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
