plz talk dirty to me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
