just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
