dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish my penis had a tongue
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
