are you still at the devil's house?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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