if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
