I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
