They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
