can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
