Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
