You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
