You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
