Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
