At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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