I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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