The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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