Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
