How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
