i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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