mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
