im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
