I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
