i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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