I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
