I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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