she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
BRING THE BAGELS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to fling myself into the sun
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
