Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
