Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ruined the universe
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
