she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
