were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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