hotel room ftw
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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