You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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