I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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