on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
