They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
