Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
