Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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