Sponge bath it is.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
