giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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