Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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