I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
