Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
