my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
