I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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