We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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