Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
