is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
