did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my shit smells like andre
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
