thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
