You can't special order awesome
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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