You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
