can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
