ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
