Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize