Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
3pm strippers are depressing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
